tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36805632011-04-21T15:18:23.191-07:00The Universal TruthThe truth and almost nothing but the truth for people living in Spain.Jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08784146235988691837noreply@blogger.comBlogger171100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3680563.post-1102085677935457432004-12-03T06:50:00.000-08:002004-12-03T06:54:37.936-08:00 THE UNIVERSAL TRUTH, December, 2004 MINISTRY OF PUBLIC WORKS SETS MADRID COMPLETION TARGET FOR 2317 By James Trevor Staff Writer MADRID – A Madrid without jackhammers, pile drivers, vallas and zanjas? A miracle? Not according to the Ministry of Public Works, which claims that this may soon become a Jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08784146235988691837noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3680563.post-1097742619996674142004-10-14T01:28:00.000-07:002004-11-18T02:58:16.946-08:00The Universal Truth, November, 2004 ZAPATERO ADMITS BEING LEPRECHAUN, PROMISES POT OF GOLD By James Trevor Staff Writer MADRID – Ending years of speculation, Prime Minister José Rodriguez Zapatero has admitted that he is, in fact, a leprechaun. “Yes, I am a leprechaun. I have always been a leprechaun. And I will always be a leprechaun,” stated Zapatero at a press conference held yesterday. Jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08784146235988691837noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3680563.post-1096451854128307392004-09-29T02:54:00.000-07:002004-09-29T02:57:34.130-07:00 THE UNIVERSAL TRUTH, OCTOBER, 2004 POLICE OFFICER CRITICALLY FRIGHTENED AFTER ACCIDENTALLY WANDERING INTO LAVAPIÉS By James Trevor Staff Writer MADRID - Rookie police officer Rutenio Madera is reported in serious but stable condition after receiving what doctors Jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08784146235988691837noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3680563.post-1090495291410037002004-07-22T04:18:00.000-07:002004-09-29T10:18:01.790-07:00 The Universal Truth August 1, 2004Jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08784146235988691837noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3680563.post-1085562639074904992004-05-26T02:06:00.000-07:002004-09-29T10:21:57.083-07:00The Universal Truth, May, 2004 Special Royal Wedding Report Royals Revel In White Trash Transport By James Trevor Staff Writer MADRID – The plan was simple. After the wedding ceremony between Spain’s Crown Prince Felipe and former TV anchorwoman Letizia Ortiz, the guests were to take a red-carpet walk from the Almudena Cathedral to the the wedding banquet being held at the Royal Palace someJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08784146235988691837noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3680563.post-1085130889186825002004-05-21T02:12:00.000-07:002004-06-02T02:31:33.973-07:00 The Universal Truth, June, 2004 EU Funds Coining of Derogatory Names for New Members By James Trevor Staff Writer BRUSSELS - You're at a football match, you're drunk, your team is down by two goals against Lithuania and you're just about to crack a beer bottle over one of their supporters' head. As is the custom, you wish to precede injury with insult. Thus, you scowl at him and shout:Jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08784146235988691837noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3680563.post-856498302002-12-07T12:15:00.000-08:002004-06-02T02:54:10.483-07:00International Coalition of 160 Nations Demands Accordionists' Return By James Trevor Staff Writer MADRID - In an unprecedented show of international cooperation, and a stark indication of the severity of the dramatic loss that they have suffered, 160 nations have joined together to exert pressure on the Spanish government to take immediate measures to repatriate the tens of thousands of foreignJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08784146235988691837noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3680563.post-813262312002-09-08T14:12:00.000-07:002002-09-12T13:54:47.000-07:00The International Criminal Court Orders Spaniards to Shut Up Already about Their Food By James Trevor Staff Writer THE HAGUE - In a decision that many are calling landmark, and which has fueled heated international debate over the basic tenets of free speech, the newly established International Criminal Court (ICC) at The Hague, in its maiden decision, has ruled that Spanish nationals are Jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08784146235988691837noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3680563.post-797753612002-08-03T08:58:00.000-07:002002-08-23T08:51:41.000-07:00It's All The Immigrants' Fault Correspondent James Trevor, following a six-month investigation, offers the first in his sixty-seven-part series which demonstrates how all of Spain's problems are due to immigrants. In his first article, Trevor chronicles how the Chinese presence in Spain has been solely responsible for the corruption of Spanish youth. MADRID - Maruja González smoked nervously. Jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08784146235988691837noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3680563.post-797753132002-08-03T08:56:00.000-07:002002-08-03T08:56:25.150-07:00Nationwide Manhunt for Rogue Ensaladilla Rusa By James Trevor Staff Writer MADRID - National Police and Civil Guard units are conducting a nationwide manhunt for an ensaladilla rusa believed to be responsible for 237 deaths throughout the country. The cross-country murder spree began two weeks ago when the ensaladilla rusa allegedly killed a patron of the Mi Pueblo bar in the Madrileño Jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08784146235988691837noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3680563.post-797752762002-08-03T08:54:00.000-07:002002-08-03T08:54:57.306-07:00Judge Orders El Corte Inglés to Reinstate Non-Asshole By James Trevor Staff Writer MADRID - In a landmark decision, 9th District Court Judge, Balbucear Mamón, has ruled that El Corte Inglés acted unjustifiably when it dismissed employee María González for gross efficiency. Ms. González was let go from El Corte Inglés based on what her superiors, in the dismissal statement, cited as, "undue Jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08784146235988691837noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3680563.post-797752212002-08-03T08:52:00.000-07:002002-08-03T08:52:46.430-07:00METRO NEWS The Universal Truth, Thursday, October 25, 2001 Parental Abandonment Cited in the Deaths of Three Children. By James Trevor Staff Writer MADRID – Parental abandonment has been cited as the cause of the deaths of three area children ages forty-six to fifty-two. According to police, Maruja Gonzalez, 82, abandoned her children five weeks ago when sheJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08784146235988691837noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3680563.post-797742162002-08-03T08:09:00.000-07:002002-08-03T08:09:49.566-07:00WE THE PEOPLE As part of The Universal Truth's ongoing commitment to giving a voice to you, the reader, today, Inmacu Gonzalez, 18, writes about her work as a teller for Caja Madrid. My Life is a Living Hell for Four and a Half Hours a Day My job sucks. Day after day it's the same godamn thing. People coming in and asking me shit I don’t know the answer to and telling me to do shit I don’t Jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08784146235988691837noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3680563.post-797741082002-08-03T08:05:00.000-07:002002-08-28T08:03:39.000-07:00City to Sue Blind Ninety-Two-Year-Old Repeat Faller "We Didn't Dig These Holes in the Street for People to Fall into." James Trevor Staff Writer MADRID – Public Works officials have announced their intention to sue ninety-two-year-old blind woman Maruja Gonzalez for damage to city property resulting from a series of falls she has taken into holes the Public Works Department has dug in the Jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08784146235988691837noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3680563.post-797736492002-08-03T07:46:00.000-07:002002-08-20T09:17:50.000-07:00Manzano to Award City Contract to Non-Friend By James Trevor Staff Writer MADRID - In a radical departure from long-held policy, the Mayor’s office has announced that the city will award a contract to a company not owned by a close personal friend of Mayor José Maria Álvarez del Manzano. The contract is for the disposal of the dog excrement sucked up by Vespa-borne vacuum cleaner units Jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08784146235988691837noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3680563.post-797736192002-08-03T07:45:00.000-07:002006-02-24T15:24:56.176-08:00RENFE Employee Collapses Rail Service by Correctly Answering Travelers’ QueriesBy James TrevorStaff WriterMADRID-RENFE information desk employee Maruja Gonzalez brought train service throughout Spain to a complete collapse Tuesday by repeatedly giving passengers the correct information regarding train departure times, company officials report.Early Tuesday, Atocha station employees began to Jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08784146235988691837noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3680563.post-797735852002-07-03T07:43:00.000-07:002004-11-25T09:56:54.836-08:00Spanish Government to Replace Civil Servants with Inebriated Gerbils By James Trevor Staff Writer MADRID-Spanish officials, in an effort to drastically cut federal expenditure, have announced plans to replace 41 million civil servants (roughly 107% of the population) with inebriated gerbils. Though the replacement was originally intended as simply a cost-cutting measure, officials were Jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08784146235988691837noreply@blogger.com